Embracing Solitude: The Cocoon Stage of Healing

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I spend a lot of time alone.

I love my solitude, and as I grow older, I find joy in going on solo dates and taking international solo trips. I embrace attending events alone, and trying new activities on my own. 

Spending time alone teaches you a lot about yourself. You also learn a lot by doing things by yourself while stepping outside of your comfort zone. 

Recently, however, things feel different. I can’t quite pinpoint why. My energy has shifted, and I feel an even stronger desire to be alone than to connect with others. 

I’ve struggled to understand these feelings until I stumbled upon Dr. Nicole LePera’s Instagram posts (@the.holistic.psychologist), where I learned about the cocoon stage of healing.

So, what is the cocoon stage of healing? 

It’s a confusing period where you question various aspects of your life: childhood experiences, family dynamics, and your current reality. 

It’s a season of life where you feel overstimulated, mentally and emotionally drained, and just..burnt out. 

You feel called to rest and retreat from the hustle and bustle of life—away from friends, family, social media, and other distractions. Socializing less, you become more selective with your energy and the company you keep.

You’re in a “waiting” stage—living slowly and quietly but with intention. There’s no set timeframe for this stage; it could last months or even years so trust that there’s nothing wrong with you and that these temporary feelings will pass. 

Although it may seem like isolation or stagnation, you’re still evolving at your own pace. Be patient when you lack the energy for socializing or past activities. Focus on nurturing yourself until you’re ready to emerge from your cocoon.

During the cocoon stage of healing:

Create space for stillness and presence. Allow yourself to just be.

Give yourself space to regulate and soothe your nervous system. Look inwards and connect with yourself without fixing, chasing, or forcing anything. Release the need to improve yourself, and instead, look at the bigger picture of what has been working for you and celebrate the smallest wins. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to process, grieve and reflect on your innermost thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to feel and be—without judgment, shame, or criticism.

Take time to do a life audit and set firm boundaries.

Let’s take a step back and reevaluate your life priorities, let go of relationships that no longer serve you, and anything that doesn’t bring you happiness or contribute to your well-being. You might want more out of life and become conscious of the patterns you’ve been running your entire life. You realize that your old ways of living are no longer working for you and now, you’re ready for a change and firm boundaries around your time and energy.

Connect with your inner child and have fun! 

Go on solo dates, do activities that will bring you joy, and try out a new creative project. Create elements of fun throughout your day; they can be small moments such as a spontaneous dance party in your room or randomly singing your favourite song on your drive to the grocery store. Embrace the “fuck it” energy and listen to what your inner child is telling you. Become so solid within yourself that others' presence and opinions won’t affect how you feel about yourself and how you live your life. 

Practice forgiveness and self-acceptance by having conversations with your inner child.

Accept where you are and nourish yourself so you can come back to the world refreshed, energized, and inspired—ready to take action again. This is your time to practice true self-love while stepping into a new version of you. Learn who you are in this moment and forgive yourself for being in this space. Release the guilt that you are disappointing others and are responsible for their feelings. Release the shame and judgment you hold about yourself.

Ask your inner child what he/she needs throughout the day. Provide reassurance and safety for yourself through internal dialogue and consistent action. And I promise you that one day, you will wake up and realize how much you have changed—and you will be grateful—for being kind to yourself.

Remember, the cocoon stage may feel lonely, but you’re not alone. Take all the time you need until you’re ready to step back into the light as your true, authentic self.

Investing Time and Energy in Your Personal Growth and Wellness

Photo by Ivan Samkov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-stretching-her-arms-7394474/

Investing the time and energy in your growth and wellness is the best gift you can give to your current and future self. You are your biggest asset and deserve to live out your dreams and aspirations by investing in yourself. You can design a healthy lifestyle filled with joy, happiness, and fulfillment by implementing these tools and strategies.

Set Intentions for the Day

The best way to prepare for a new day is to set intentions the night before and review your tasks early next morning. Some simple yet efficient productivity and time management tools to organize your to-do list include:

• Urgent-Important Matrix: helps you identify which tasks are high priority and require immediate action and which tasks can be delegated or ignored.

• Task Batching: a process of combining similar tasks to be completed at once. 

• Time Boxing: allocated periods to complete tasks with strict limits.

• Trello: a project management and team collaboration tool that’s also great for personal checklists.

• A Habit Tracker: to help you stay on track with all your habits!

These tools will help you prioritize essential tasks, manage your time efficiently, and build consistent habits. This will reduce stress and anxiety surrounding your tasks and improve overall personal wellness. 

Learn Something New that Sparks Your Curiosity

If anything sparks your curiosity, take a chance on yourself to try. Growth comes from seizing opportunities that present itself. Try something new, even if you might not be good at it and have fun doing so! This unique experience can become a hobby, a side hustle — or a learning experience. 

By learning something new and indulging in your curiosity, you build self-trust and become even more open-minded to future opportunities. Invest in yourself by learning a new skill and witness your growth through the experience!

Take Frequent Breaks from Work to Move Your Body

Lunch breaks during work hours should be a non-negotiable no-brainer, but what about mini breaks throughout the work day? Employees are encouraged to take frequent breaks to get fresh air and move their bodies, no matter how busy the work day is. 

Research from Gitnux found that

“43% of employees who take more frequent breaks boost their happiness,” and “taking a short break between 5-15 minutes every hour can benefit one’s focus, productivity, and well-being.” 

Here’s your sign to take breaks every hour: stretch and move your body to increase blood flow to the brain, reduce fatigue, and feel more energized for the rest of your day!

Find a Grounding Practice to Help You Relax and Unwind

Do you know what helps you regulate your nervous system? Find a grounding practice that allows you to tune into your body and recalibrate throughout the day. Some practices you can implement day-to-day include:

• Daily meditations with the Balance App (free trial for the first year!)

• Box breathing: a relaxation technique to take slow, deep breaths. 

• Morning Pages: 3 pages of unconscious writing every morning.

• Gratitude Journal: Write out 3 things you’re grateful for every night.

• A 20-minute nature walk outdoors.

Check-in with your energy throughout the day and ask yourself what you need each moment. Whenever you feel overwhelmed and need a break, you know what works for you and your body.

Get enough Sleep

Do we need 7-8 hours of sleep every night? Yes, we do. Quality sleep plays a significant role in your overall health and well-being. If you need help sticking to sleeping earlier, read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker to understand the importance of quality sleep.

Getting enough sleep is crucial as it impacts your mental and emotional well-being, immune system, brain and heart health, and other bodily functions, which allows you to learn, retrain memories, problem-solve and make decisions quickly. 

Remember, you can’t take care of others, perform well at work, and be productive throughout the day if you don’t take care of yourself — and get enough sleep. 

Conclusion

An essential part of self-care and personal growth is investing in yourself. It does not always involve your finances, but making the time and effort to realize where you are and working on becoming an even better version of yourself!

Originally published at TalentEgg.

Moving Your Body to Better Manage Stress and Anxiety

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I am no stranger to stress and anxiety. Growing up, I have always been very anxious. Reading and writing have been my therapy for as long as I can remember. But that’s also where I’m in my head a lot.

I am an overthinker, and most times, I have so much going on in my head that I’m not even present in my reality. I have been disconnected from my body for so long. Although I feel things deeply and am sensitive to my surrounding environments, I never knew how to manage everything that comes up in my body.

The tenseness, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, heart palpitations, dry mouth, and tightness in the chest—these were all the symptoms I felt daily. For those who have been in survival mode for so long and never learned how to regulate their nervous system—I feel you. I understand how much it takes to develop the love and safety you need to give yourself to feel a sense of peace, calm, and trust within your body.

I have done it all. Talk therapy, coaching, reiki, EFT tapping, and hypnotherapy, just to name a few healing modalities.

All the self-work has been fundamental to my growth and who I am today. Through it all, I know myself quite well, and I enjoy my solitude. I am always learning and experimenting with new ways of living and loving myself better. And I’m incredibly proud of that.

It was only a few years ago, during the pandemic lockdown, that I started taking movement and exercising my body more seriously. I have been on and off with practicing yoga since university, but it was always a form of movement I enjoyed. Other than that, I didn’t do much. I have always wanted to be more active and did my best to join different fitness classes and even the gym, but it was never easy.

I went from barely exercising to prioritizing movement every single day and working out about 3-4 times a week.

It’s still a work in progress, and it takes a lot of discipline for me to attend my fitness classes. I’m still fighting off excuses to cancel or reschedule classes, but I am more mindful and intentional with moving my body regularly. And I know it’s because of how effective it has been in helping me manage my stress and anxiety. Even if it’s a 10-minute walk outdoors, I know I’m doing myself a favour. I always feel better every time I work out, and I know I’m taking good care of myself when I do.

Today, I am proud to say that I’m taking yoga, kickboxing, and swimming classes. Not only do I look forward to class, but I also feel so alive during and after. These activities clear my mind and shift my energy, and now I know why some people love working out and do it consistently.

I have all the tools to make me feel better. But what I’ve come to realize is that for someone who is in their head a lot, movement is the answer. Fully feeling into my body’s sensations and doing the simplest things, does wonders. When I move my body, I am connected with myself, my emotions, and what my body needs.

Through movement, I am connected to myself at a deeper level—and this is how I heal.

Processing Your Emotions and Triggers By Feeling Them Fully

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When I was a little girl, I had always suppressed and numbed my feelings. My reality was too chaotic to handle on my own, so I zoned out and lived in my own reality (or my own imagination). I didn’t feel safe in my environment, nor did I feel safe in my own body.

I’ve come a long way. A bit late, but now I am more in tune with my body. I allow myself to feel my emotions fully—that’s how I process them (even if I struggle to identify and understand my feelings at times).

Instead of avoiding discomfort, I allow myself to FEEL anger, guilt and shame (not just sadness all the time). I’ve learned that it’s OK to feel angry and express that, to be honest and real and have my needs met. After all, the goal is not to feel “positive” emotions all the time but to be human and imperfect and feel everything.

Therapy has taught me to observe and sit with my feelings. What started with just talking through my present problems with my therapist turned into diving deeper into my past and processing decades’ worth of suppressed emotions.

Yet, therapy is hard. Everything that I had avoided in the past comes back to bite me in the ass, and now I have to face it head-on and peel back layers of unresolved pain and trauma. So, why am I writing this? Because this is a part of my healing journey, and I know I’m not the only one in therapy committed to the process of releasing old, stuck energy and bringing about newfound change and optimism for the future.

Since the pandemic, I’ve been feeling a lot of heaviness in my body. I’ve been slowly releasing these heavy feelings by doing everything I could to heal and uplift myself, and lately, I feel a lot of the tightness in my chest and throat coming up again. While I’m more self-aware, I’m also more triggered from day to day, and it’s harder to ignore.

Dealing with my triggers has always been really difficult. I notice what comes up but drive myself crazy, trying to understand why I feel this way and what it means. How can I fix it? What can I do?

I used to think that whatever triggers me isn’t good for me. But that’s not the case at all. Most relationships are triggering, so it’s normal for triggers to come up from time to time and under different circumstances and events. Your triggers are telling you what you need at the moment and what you still need to heal from. And sometimes you don’t need to analyze the shit out of everything but know that old wounds will come up because healing is not linear.

So, when the “negative” emotions and triggers come up—you actually don’t need to do anything but observe and sit with it. That’s so wild, right?

Immediately, I would want to do something, anything, to flip the thought, distract myself, “fix” the problem and do something that makes me feel good. But that’s where I’m not processing my emotions and instead slapping on a bandaid and avoiding it altogether.

Even though this journey has been so challenging, I know that I would rather be more conscious and take accountability for my own reality than live it on autopilot. My past does not dictate my future, and I am becoming a more empowered version of myself every single day.

I hope this blog brings awareness to mental health and the journey of someone who is working on themselves and their transformation through therapy and other healing modalities. For those of you who are on this journey with me, you are not alone. Here’s to #selfhealers and brave souls!

How to Find the Right Fit Therapist For Your Healing Journey

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I've been going to therapy for years. Sometimes, I wish I started sooner. Other times, I wish I never step foot on this path at all. After all, ignorance is bliss, no? Gone are the days when I lived a more “carefree life” due to my lack of self-awareness.

Now, I have met myself at a deeper level, and there's really no going back. The only way is forward, and I hope to continue embarking on this healing journey no matter how challenging times may become. I can only aspire to live my life intentionally, not guided by my past or "what happened to me" but by who I am now and strive to become.

As someone fully invested in their personal growth, I am actively working on embracing my past and constructing my present self. I’m celebrating my growth, progress, strength, courage and resilience every step of the way. I refuse to fall into the trap of being a victim and prisoner of my past. My mission is to break the cycle of generational trauma and heal my childhood wounds so they won’t bleed into my decisions and lifestyle as an adult today.

Therapy has taught me so many things about myself, including identifying my thought patterns, processing my emotions, making sense of my past, accepting my present, and having clarity for my future. And working with the right therapist makes a huge difference in your journey.

Over the years, I have worked with over ten different therapists and found that finding a long-term match is a process. It can take time to figure out if this person is someone you feel emotionally safe to open up to and isn’t biased or judgemental but helpful and supportive. Affordability is another factor, along with other expectations you have for your collaborative sessions together. I kid you not; seeking the right therapist was similar to my process of finding a compatible partner through online dating.

The good news is that once you know what you want in a therapist and what you’re seeking from your therapy sessions, your search becomes easier. Some therapists offer free consultations, providing the opportunity to ask questions and evaluate the connection. Alternatively, you can schedule a session or two to understand further your therapist’s working style and how well you both work together.

Below are some of the questions I asked during my consultation calls that you can lead with:

1. My goals are _____. How do you approach this? How will you work with me?

2. How frequently will we meet? How will we meet? (phone call, video chat, in-person)

3. Do you accept insurance? Do you offer a low-cost or sliding scale rate?

4. How will we track my progress? Will I receive assignments or resources to work on between sessions?

5. Do you have experience with (insert your focus, e.g. inner child work, co-dependency, and avoidant behaviours)?

6. How can I reach you between sessions?

7. What will I do if I feel stuck in therapy?

8. How can you tell if someone can benefit more from therapy or life coaching?

These questions helped me assess my therapists’ expertise, qualifications, work approach, availability, affordability, and overall character.

Additionally, researching various therapy providers and organizations aided my search. Currently, I am working with a therapist who meets my emotional and financial needs, accommodates my schedule, and provides direct, constructive feedback, which I highly value in my sessions.

Remember, your healing journey will not be linear, and it will likely bring up a lot of triggers and discomfort, but commend yourself for being committed to your mental, emotional and physical health by doing the work. Therapy is just one avenue to improve the quality of your life, so go easy on yourself and keep up the good effort!

5 Ways to Gain Clarity and Manifest the Life You Desire

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Manifesting the life of your dreams is more than just positive thinking. It’s being clear about what you want, setting realistic, measurable goals, and taking aligned action to achieve them. These five transformative exercises will help you visualize your desired life and embody the person you aspire to be. Manifest your deepest desires through courageous action!

1. Future Self Journaling

Daily future self-journaling breaks subconscious patterns, empowering you to become the person you aspire to be. This powerful tool enables you to rewire your brain by freeing you from the past, increasing consciousness, and setting actionable steps toward your dream life. Set the intention to answer these daily prompts in your journal until you successfully see a change in your habits and life!

2. Create a Vision Board

Creating a vision board is a fun way to visualize your desires and stay focused on your goals. Curate the future you want by designing a physical vision board or a free digital one using Canva or BeFunky. An effective way to use your vision board is to share it with at least one other person. They can hold you accountable, empowering you to speak and feel your desires into existence as if you’re already living your dream life.

3. Current Me vs Future Me Activity

The Current Me vs. Future Me exercise is another fun and simple tool to gain clarity. This is a great visual way to reflect on where you are now and where you want to be. The concept is to draw a ‘current you’ on one side of your notebook and a ‘future you’ on the other. Then, write notes on how you feel about your current life, including your needs, desires, and gratitude.

Your ‘future you’ is who you aspire to be, so write down your future aspirations. This activity helps you brainstorm ways to fill the gap between the person you are now and the person you want to be!

4. Scripting Journal Prompt

Another law of attraction journaling technique you can try is scripting. Scripting helps you attract what you want by writing your desires in the present tense. Write as if you already have what you desire in the present moment and feel into it. That way, you can activate your brain’s reticular activating system (RAS), which will help you seek out opportunities aligned with your goals and raise your vibration.

You can either write down your narratives in detail or record yourself speaking. Furthermore, you can refer to your entries when you need a reminder of what’s important to you and why!

5. Vivid Vision Exercise

The Vivid Vision exercise is a life-changing tool because you are to dive deep within yourself and reflect on what you envision your life to be. You can either focus on creating a vivid vision for your perfect day or one for your dream life in the next three years. For your dream life in the near future, you want to imagine your ideal situation, be highly detailed, and focus on every area of your life, including your health, career, and relationships. Revisit your vivid vision daily to prioritize your goals and bring your ideal life into reality!

Conclusion

All the noise around you makes it easy to feel confused and distracted. Stay honest with yourself and live your truth based on your definition of success. Working through the above tools will help you gain clarity and confidence in manifesting your dream life. Good luck!

Originally published at TalentEgg.

3 Life-Changing Habits For a Healthier, Happier You

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Small habits make a huge difference if you work on them daily.

As James Clear quoted in his book Atomic Habits, “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.” 

The Importance of Forming Habits

As you slowly form habits by taking baby steps to work on them daily, you’ll gain massive results in your self-development by the end of the year.

And if you decide to be intentional and ruthless with your time — you can stay focused and committed to your goal. You can build self-discipline.

Say your goal is to work out regularly, at least 3-4 times weekly. But you despise working out. It’s challenging to start and a painful process to stay consistent. 

And your why is to build endurance, resilience and mental strength for good health overall. 

So you decide to create the habit of working out. You start small by taking on a 7-day yoga challenge, setting a timer to commit to doing yoga for 5 minutes. Short and simple, a small commitment. Totally doable, right?

And over time, you build that. You achieve that by increasing the frequency of your workouts and taking on more challenges.

A week later, you decide to do ten minutes of yoga over the next two weeks. Before you know it, you’re doing workouts you never thought you’d be able to do. You’ve switched to doing a strength and cardio challenge for half an hour each day for 30 days straight.

You’re stronger. You’re happier. You see the results. And you’re doing it every day.

The key is to start small and remind yourself why this habit is essential to build into your life. Then think of how you can make it fun! You will make time for it when you look forward to doing it. Keep track of your progress and notice the changes in your lifestyle. You will see how much you’re improving as a person, making this entire journey worthwhile. 

So, How Long Does it Take to Form a Habit?

It takes 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit, according to a study in 2009 published in the European Journal of Social Psychology.

There’s no set timeline to form a habit, and it will look different for everyone. It’s a matter of the pattern and the time you’re willing to commit to it. But remember, it’s not just about the goal itself. It’s about implementing a system that works for you, which will help you build momentum. If you skip a day, no big deal. Just hop back on and keep going. 

Here are three life-changing habits that are worth implementing in your life:

1. Journaling 

Journaling is a therapeutic way to help you organize your thoughts, solve problems effectively, and seek clarity. According to Dr. James Pennebaker, a psychologist at the University of Texas, journaling is proven to be a great tool to help you heal. It can help boost the immune system of those with illnesses such as HIV/AIDS, asthma and arthritis.

2. Drinking Lemon Water

Drinking a warm cup of lemon water every morning on an empty stomach does wonders for your health. Lemon contains a rich source of vitamin C which boosts your immune system.

It helps flush out toxins in your body, cleanse your liver and improve your digestion.

3. Positive Affirmations

Repeating positive statements is an effective practice that helps you become aware of self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. This helps you put things into perspective and brings you to a constant state of gratitude. According to a study in 2012, self-affirmations may help us to perceive otherwise “threatening” messages with less resistance, including interventions (Logel & Cohen, 2012).

Form consistent habits with the intention of becoming a healthier and happier version of yourself. What are some fun habits you can implement into your life today?

Originally published at TalentEgg.

Seeking Professional Help? The Impact of Therapy

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Do you often find yourself mentally and emotionally exhausted at night, with your mind full of intrusive thoughts? Many of us experience prolonged anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions that impact us on a daily basis. 

According to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), 1 in 5 Canadians experiences a mental illness in any given year. However, we often stray away from openly talking about our mental health due to the preconceived stigmas surrounding it. Although many of us appear normal in public, we’re the only ones aware of the internal struggles we endure. We need to remember that no problem is too small of a problem to seek professional help.

When I began short-term counselling sessions with a psychotherapist, her approach working with me was cognitive behavioural therapy (or “CBT”). CBT is a common type of talk therapy where you unpack negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs with your therapist. After a couple of sessions, I notice a significant shift in my mindset and lifestyle overall. 

Here are some things you should know about therapy if you are considering it:

Seek help when you need it. It’s not shameful.

Shift your perspective when it comes to seeking professional help. Many people today are suffering from different mental illnesses, and are seeking help with mental health professionals. If the issue is affecting your overall health, address it as soon as possible so your overall stress doesn’t build up. Sometimes, your best bet is to lean on your support system by calling someone you trust or be proactive by doing hobbies that redirect you towards a healthier state of mind. If the issues are more prolonged and severe— consider seeing a licensed professional for a number of sessions. You don’t have to deal with this alone.

Therapy is a safe space to talk about your problems.

Sometimes, it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know about your problems. A trained and experienced mental health professional can assist you with coping strategies and provide insights that aren’t biased. The sessions are a judgment-free zone and highly confidential for you to dig deep and have honest conversations with your therapist. Think of your sessions as a sacred ‘me time’ to uncover your internal thoughts.

Be open-minded to receive constructive feedback.

It’s intimidating to attend therapy, even if you are extremely vulnerable. Therapy will involve sharing some of your fears, insecurities, past wounds or traumas and personal details of your life. You will also be asked questions that may challenge or trigger you in some areas as well. Moreover, therapy may provide constructive feedback that can be difficult for you to process. Stay open-minded and check in with yourself if what they share sits well with you. Generally, they will not tell you what to do but guide you in better understanding yourself and how to manage your emotions and thoughts around the obstacles you face. 

Face your fears head-on and set intentions.

Working on yourself is brave work. It’s not easy to sit with discomfort and have these difficult conversations. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions during your sessions such as sadness, relief and nervousness. However, remember to give yourself credit for facing your fears and conflicts head-on. Also, make sure you attend each session prepared with questions and topics of discussion to stay organized and make the most of it. If you share your goals and expectations with your therapist early on, you’ll definitely see more results. 

It’s all about perception. Progress over perfection.

While you are doing the work and applying what you learn in your life, you may not feel like you are making much progress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as the process will take time. You might feel triggered by certain situations, but acknowledge that you are doing the best you can. Don’t be too hard on yourself and be proud of the progress you do make. Over time, these small actions will add up. You are already on a journey of becoming a better version of yourself! 

Heal yourself by reframing negative thoughts.

My experience with CBT was effective because my distorted thoughts were the cause of my negative feelings (and therefore behaviours), which ultimately affected how I perceived the world and responded to it. My therapist educated me on the various types of cognitive distortions and we went over each situation I had along with my thoughts and feelings surrounding them. She shared resources and provided me with homework to do in between our sessions, which I found to be helpful. I was able to identify the different types of thoughts I had and reframe them into more positive and actionable ones. 

It’s okay if it’s not right for you.

The first therapist that I had actually wasn’t of much help. My sessions weren’t constructive and it simply wasn’t a good fit. Scheduling in-person appointments were also difficult due to her busy schedule. Luckily, we always have the option for online therapy, which works better for some people due to convenience, frequency and affordability. 

It’s okay to seek a new therapist if you feel emotionally unsafe working with them. When you are searching for a therapist, ask if they offer a free consultation and go in prepared with questions on how you will be working together!

There are many organizations that offer free or affordable therapy that you can try. Check if you have work benefits that cover therapy. Ultimately, it’s up to you to invest in yourself and do the work. Of course, there are plenty of other resources for you to prioritize your personal growth and wellbeing if therapy isn’t working for you at this time. Therapy is one tool to support you.

Mental Health Resources:

1. Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

2. WIRTH Hats Foundation

3. CAMH Psychotherapy (IASP)

4. BounceBack Ontario CMHA

5. Wellness Together Canada

6. MindBeacon

7. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective

8. Affordable Therapy Network

9. BetterHelp

Originally published at TalentEgg.

7 Effective Ways to Build Your Self-Confidence

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Building unshakeable self-confidence to create your ideal life is what we all strive to achieve. However, it can sometimes be challenging, especially after experiencing hardships and taking time to piece yourself back together again. It’s a daily practice to show up and be confident in yourself by taking action to achieve the results you want. Here are some easy and practical ways you can boost your self-confidence.

1. Do the Power Pose!

The Power Pose by Amy Cuddy is a simple stance similar to that of a superhuman—stand up tall, back straight, hands on your hips, and legs hips-wide apart. It might seem silly to do out of nowhere (especially in a public space), but don’t let it fool you! The pose itself is proven to be highly effective in building self-confidence before high anxiety situations such as an interview or a presentation. Watch Amy’s TedTalk for more tips!

2. Wear Your Power Colour

Did you know that wearing your power colour can increase your self-confidence? Because when you look good, you feel good. Just like how you dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Think of it as a form of self-love and an expression of who you are when you wear a colour that you glow in. What’s your power colour? Find out by doing a fun quiz here. Psychologists reveal that the colours you wear will showcase your unique personality. You will feel stronger, more empowered and energized. 

3. Use Visualization to Create the Life You Want

Visualization is a powerful tool because you train your mind to believe that you have succeeded in a specific situation. Visualize the life you want and the person you aspire to be, and it will manifest in itself. By truly believing in your visions and proactively working towards them, you can turn them into reality!  Moreover, you can even create a vision board of your life goals to support your visualizations. Display it in a space where you can be reminded of it daily. 

4. Write Out a List of Accomplishments

Write out a list of accomplishments you’re proud of in your career and throughout your life. Include significant and small achievements and make a weekly accomplishment list by asking yourself, “What did I learn today?” Think about your successes and your ‘failures,’ which are significant lessons to learn from. Refer back to your lists whenever you feel down and need a reminder of the challenges and hardships you’ve overcome to get to where you are today. 

5. Repeat Positive Affirmations 

Repeating positive statements is an effective practice that helps you become more aware of any self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. This not only enables you to put things into perspective but brings you in a constant state of gratitude. Some fun ideas include:

• posting your affirmations on your mirror to read every morning and night while brushing your teeth

• record yourself repeating affirmations and listening to them daily

• listening to Affirmation Pod while doing yoga

6. Take Risks to Expand Your Comfort Zone 

Despite the fear and possibility of failure, confidence comes from being brave enough to try. It’s a skill you can build over time by taking risks outside of your comfort zone. For example, apply for EF tours and possibly travel the world! Or you can apply for the job you think you’re underqualified for but go in with the mindset of, “Why not me?” Taking action towards what you want and deserve no matter the outcome is how you become exposed to experiences that shape you into a better version of yourself. 

7. Practice Self-Compassion

You might have been doing a lot of self-work over the years and feel that your progress is too little or slow for your own expectations. You might find it difficult to forgive yourself for a mistake you made at work. Shift your mindset to be more compassionate with yourself by toning down your inner critic and practicing positive self-affirmations. Celebrate all the progress you’ve made and take ownership of your mistakes while you reflect on areas of improvement. Speak kindly to yourself and give yourself grace. 

Self-confidence can be learned over time by practicing the above tools and reframing your mindset. It is not something you start with, and it requires effort and consistency. Ask yourself: what’s one small action I can do today to boost my self-confidence?

Originally published at TalentEgg.

3 Easy Ways to Stay Fit at Home

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplas

Staying fit while being at home takes a lot of self-discipline. It can be challenging to start, and it’s a painful process to stay consistent. The good news is that there are many ways to make it easy and fun. So, how can we stay fit at home?

Here are 3 easy ways to help you feel your best and prioritize our overall health:

Set fitness goals

First, we need to be clear about what we hope to achieve. Do you want to be mentally and physically stronger and healthier? Once you have a clear vision of what you want to achieve, ask yourself: how will I track my progress? Think about how often you want to workout, how long each session will be, and how you can hold yourself accountable.

If your mission is to build endurance and resilience and your strategy is to work out 3 times a week for half an hour, you can track it on your calendar. If you work best with accountability then work out with somebody in your household, or do it with a friend over a video call! Remember that it’s okay to create small goals and build your way up (even if it means doing yoga for only 10 minutes a day).

Find a workout that’s fun to do

Getting started is half the battle but it’s easy to start with an activity you think is fun! Going on nature walks, cycling, and doing outdoor activities are always a lot of fun. For the cold days and quarantine days here are some easy exercises you can do at home.

Some workouts you can do without gym equipment include:

• A 7-Day Challenge with a YouTube Instructor (eg. Blogilates, Chloe Ting, Yoga with Adrienne, Emi Wong and The Fitness Marshall)

• Enroll in an online free fitness program with a variety of classes (eg. FitOn, Peloton, Dance videos)

• Play games that allow you to move (eg. Wii Sports and Just Dance)

Move throughout the day

Move throughout the day, especially during your breaks. This will help shift your mood and focus for the better. A general rule to follow to stay physically fit is 30 minutes of exercise to counteract 8 hours of sitting. Health professionals recommend at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise per week to improve your immune system and quality of life.

Everything counts. Make it count by being mindful of taking the time to move throughout the day. Some examples include:

• Stretch in the morning and at night (even while watching tv)

• Do the power pose while brushing your teeth

• Take frequent breaks from your work: stand or walk around the house for at least 5 minutes every hour

When it comes to staying fit at home, find what works best for you. Celebrate your progress and notice positive changes in your lifestyle!

Originally published on TalentEgg

5 Fun Ways to Destress During the Holidays

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Holidays are an exciting but exhausting time of year. Are you feeling stressed with all the work and commitments you have? This holiday season might look very different for many of us but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it and spread some holiday cheer.

Here are some fun ways you can destress and take care of yourself during the holidays: 

Engage with those you love

This is the best time to engage with those who are close to your heart. Think of creative ways to show that you care if you’re unable to meet in person. Set up a virtual games night, mail out a DIY card, or drop off some homemade cookies at their door. A simple heartfelt message or call can go a long way. Surround yourself with people who uplift you even from a distance and don’t be afraid to connect with new people around the world in the virtual space. 

Make time for play

Both school and work can be extremely draining and it can be difficult to set healthy boundaries around your schedule. Make sure you schedule in time for play — play and rest are as equally important as work. Do things that light you up like a passion project or self-care activities that can help you destress. Baking, writing, video editing or painting are some fun activities to try and indulge in!

Declutter your space

As we are nearing the end of the year, this is a great time to clear your space and mind. Take a look at the space around you and declutter using the KonMari Method. Keep things that spark joy and it will help you feel more organized with your life and for the new year. You can even decorate it with pictures, quotes, lights, and more, to create positive energy and a relaxing atmosphere.

Limit your time on social media

Set a healthy amount of time on social media so that you don’t spiral into social comparison and become overloaded with irrelevant information for hours on end. Instead of mindless scrolling, you can catch up on world news and educational media, follow positive and inspiring content, build your professional brand, and even set up informational interviews to engage and expand your network! Use social media to your advantage and focus on your self-growth.

Take yourself out on a date

Make time for solitude and take yourself out on a fun date! Remember that the holiday season is not only about expressing love and gratitude for others but for yourself as well. Make yourself a priority and practice self-compassion. Whether that’s watching a holiday movie, reading a good book, or taking yourself out for a winter hike in the snow — do what brings you joy.

What will you do to destress during the holidays? Think of some fun and creative self-care activities that you can schedule in and share with us on social media. Find us as ‘TalentEgg’ and tag us on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter. 

Published at TalentEgg.

Follow Your Curiosity, Not Your Passion

Photo by Freddy Marschall on Unsplash

“Follow your passion” is bullshit advice. I mean, yes, do follow your passion if you know what it is. But if you don’t?

Follow your curiosity. 

Lately, I’ve had several conversations with friends centered around “passion” and their “career”. One felt lost because she wasn’t sure what her passion was and felt that it needed to be tied to her career. Another felt that he didn’t have any passions outside of his work. And another felt that she has way too many passions. 

Everybody is different. Some people have more than one passion, and for others, it changes over time. It’s okay to not know what you’re passionate about. It’s okay if what you’re passionate about changes, and it’s definitely okay to have multiple passions. Another important thing to note is that your passion does not have to be your job. It’s okay if it remains a hobby. Because it’s more important to be at peace with your career and to cultivate passion for your relationships and your life. 

When you follow your curiosity, many doors of opportunities open before you. You are connected with the right people which will lead you to opportunities you’re actually excited about. Following your curiosity can lead you to your passion. 

You can never go wrong when you follow your curiosity because you learn so much about yourself and the things that sparks joy in your life. And when you discover those things, you can design your life around them.

And what’s better than finding your passion? 

Your purpose in life. 

Published at Thrive Global

3 Months In Quarantine: A Transformative Period

GLOBAL PANDEMIC: COVID-19

It’s been over 3 months since the start of a global pandemic with Canada among the many countries being under a lockdown. COVID-19 has hit us hard and we don’t know when a second wave will occur or when a vaccine would be developed. Currently, Ontario is in phase 2 with some malls, restaurants, parks, and businesses opening up again. 

With the overwhelming number of increased COVID-19 cases and deaths each day, we’re all in survival mode and doing the best we can to carry on. Who knows when everything will go back to normal, but I hope that everyone continues to wear their masks in public and practice social distancing. 

GRATITUDE TOWARDS ALL ESSENTIAL WORKERS

First and foremost, I’d like to thank all essential workers which include frontline workers, healthcare providers, first responders, drivers, store clerks, restaurant staff, public officials, and many more. You’ve all been working hard to provide us with adequate healthcare, food, and other essentials to keep us going amidst the chaos. I know you’d much rather be at home, so thank you for keeping us all safe and healthy. #StrongerTogether

BLACK LIVES MATTER MOVEMENT

During these unprecedented times, it hasn’t been easy for any of us. George Floyd’s death among many other racist cases has been brought into the spotlight. Systemic racism and police brutality amongst the black community is heightened now more than ever before. To my black brothers and sisters, I stand with you as an ally. 

I’ve been educating myself on the #BlackLivesMatter movement, signing petitions, sharing resources, and initiating difficult conversations starting with my parents. I am unlearning my own biases and learning a lot, doing the best I can with what I know. Now, I am doing my part by speaking up. 

For those of you who feel incompetent and are afraid of saying the wrong things—I understand this. But remember this is a human rights inequality that’s bigger than yourself. Ever fear for your own life because of your race? Ever fear being pulled over by the police because of your race? If the answer is no, then you are more privileged than you think. Process the information and take action at your own pace. Even as the protest dies down, we need to continue to educate ourselves and do our part as an ally. 

MENTAL HEALTH & THERAPY

2020 started so well for me until the pandemic happened. The entire situation has brought out the best and worst in me. Over the last couple of months, I was emotionally unstable and restless at night. Some days were better than others but with all the time spent at home, it doesn’t take a lot to spiral into negativity. 

For the safety of myself and others around me, I’ve barely stepped outside aside from taking walks around the neighbourhood. I experienced loneliness and grieved over the loss of freedom and my lifestyle prior. If you also felt this way, you’re not alone and you shouldn’t feel any shame or guilt. To help cope with my struggles, I worked with a therapist using BetterHelp, the largest online counseling platform. Understand that it’s okay to seek professional help if you need it and that your feelings are valid. (Click here for free mental health resources.)

I’m doing a lot better now as I’ve accepted that this is the “new normal” and have adjusted to all the changes surrounding my home, work, and lifestyle. I’ve been extremely grateful to be safe and healthy at home, maintaining a stable job and an additional side hustle, spending quality time with family, catching up with friends around the world, and even having my own quality downtime.

HEALING FROM WITHIN

A lot of triggers and emotional wounds from the past have resurfaced during this time. I knew I had to do the work to heal from within. But what I learned was that healing is an ongoing process and it’s hella messy. There are always new layers to uncover. This isn’t just a transformative period for the world at large, but myself internally. I’m taking care of myself in ways that I’ve never had before. I’m more curious and open-minded about the world around me and have matured a lot too. Goes to show that growth can happen even when your world has slowed down. 

Everyday, I try to be as productive as possible as I believe this is a time I’ll never get back. That includes taking the time to relax and practice self-compassion. As someone who always has a never-ending to-do list, I’ve done everything from completing projects I’ve procrastinated on from years ago, to creating habits and consistent routines. I’ve been more diligent with my skincare regimen, working out daily, and learning to cook a lot more. I’m still struggling with having proper sleep and setting boundaries around working from home, but overall I’m proud of myself. Some days I do need to remind myself to take it easy though.

If you’re not as productive as you’d like to be, remember that we’re all undergoing a crisis so don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay if you’re simply just getting through the day. This is not a time to thrive, but to slow down and just be.

WORKING FROM HOME 

I’m one of the lucky ones working from home. Prior to this, I’ve always complained about my 1.5-2 hour commute to work everyday and was envious of those who could work from home. My department never allowed us to work from home previously, but now we have implemented everything online. My freelance writing is remote work, but I’ve been in a huge creativity slump lately, unable to create as much content. For one company, operations have been temporarily suspended, but for the other, it has just begun. After months of struggling to stay focused and complete my copywriting course, I’m finally done. And the real work begins. I’d like to think that timing is on my side. 

TO THE BEAUTIFUL SOULS IN MY LIFE

I hope that you take the time to check in on all the important people in your life. You never know how much it means to them to hear from you. Some people are quiet because they’re going through a lot and others may seem fine when they’re really not. I’ve been reaching out to a lot of people who matter to me, whether or not I've known them for years or less than that. What matters isn’t how long you’ve known someone, it’s how deeply your hearts connect.

This is also a period where I’ve come to realize all the people who truly matter. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me, just to ask, “How are you?” I appreciate you. It’s also so great to hear from people I’ve lost touch with for almost a decade, but then we’d catch up for hours on end from where we’ve last left off. 

Thank you to #UWSG for the weekly video chats. I don’t know what I’d do without you ladies. Thank you to everyone who I hopped on a one-on-one phone call or video chat with—you have no idea how energized I feel after our intimate conversations. Thank you to the few who have met up with me while social distancing. I can’t wait to see you again. Thank you to my sponsor, who continues to believe in me even more than I believe in myself.

And of course, thank you to my family for everything they’ve done for me during this time. For seeing the best and worst in me, and loving me all the same. Thank you to my baby nephew, for bringing so much joy into my life. It was fun living with you and being a “part-time mom”. This is the period where I learn to love a little better because of you guys. 

QUARANTINE LIFE MOVING FORWARD…

Some questions to reflect on moving forward: 

1. What kind of person do I want to be during the quarantine period? How do I want to feel? How do I want to spend my time?  

2. What kind of person do I want to be after the quarantine period? What changes do I want to make in my life? What parts of myself or my past do I need to heal? 

3. Who do I want to connect with this week? Who am I excited to see after the quarantine is over?

Anyone else feels like they’re learning a lot more about themselves? A lot of my dreams and aspirations have also resurfaced. I’m excited for the change that will come when the pandemic is over. I can’t wait to embrace my family and friends and travel the world again. But for now, I’ll enjoy the process and take it one day at a time.

7 Core Values to Live By

What are your personal values? This is a great question to guide you in making the best possible decisions for yourself. I recently read the book "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins. My biggest takeaway is how crucial it is to identify your top values and rank them in order of priority. Then, for each value, create your own empowering rules to live by. Having these achievable feel-good values and rules in mind will help you cultivate a fulfilling lifestyle.

Here are my top 7 core values:

Love

I experience love when I give and express love to others. I experience love when I allow myself to receive the type of love that I truly deserve. I treat my family, friends, and strangers with kindness and respect. I practice self-love on a daily basis.

Health

I am healthy when I take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am healthy when I workout and eat healthy foods regularly; feeling stronger and happier overall. I am healthy when I am in a clear state of mind full of positive energy.

Fun

I am having fun when I allow myself to relax and enjoy the process. I am having fun when I am comfortable being myself and can laugh at myself. I can have fun with good company as well as on my own.

Growth

I am growing when I decide to step outside of my comfort zone and create a change in my life. I am growing when I am open to exploring different possibilities and seizing the right opportunities. I am growing when I reflect on the lessons I've learned through all the mistakes, failures, and pain I’ve experienced.

Freedom

I am free when I am true to myself unapologetically. I am free when I live life on my own terms which are aligned with my true values. I am free when I let go of expectations that weigh me down and trust my intuition instead. I am free from my past, negative self-talk, and external validation.

Passion

I experience passion when I am devoted to writing and storytelling. I experience passion through my travels and adventures across the globe. I experience passion when I tap into my curiosity with an open mind. I cultivate passion in everything I do…because life is more exciting when you live with passion.

Gratitude

I practice gratitude by discovering all the simple joys in life. I remind myself to cherish the people in my life, accept myself for who I am presently, and celebrate any progress I make each and everyday. For I am healthy, alive, and truly blessed (no matter how my days turns out to be).

Published at Thrive Global

An Open Letter to Late Bloomers

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

I know what it’s like to feel behind in life.

I know what it’s like to work hard and plan a life that you want, only to have it turn out completely different from what you imagined it to be. I know what it’s like to look at other people around you and wonder why you aren’t there yet. I know what it’s like to read past letters you wrote to your future self, “I hope you are this and this… I hope you’ve accomplished so and so…” only to crumble them up in frustration because you’re still not there yet.

This is where you stop comparing yourself with other people and who you think you should be. This is where you let go of expectations and timelines. This is where you stay patient and hold onto faith. This is where you stop being so hard on yourself and practice self-compassion instead.

Trust that everything you envisioned yourself to be and everything that you deeply desire to happen will happen at its own divine timing. Trust in yourself to find a balance between creating the life of your dreams and surrendering to the universe. Because you can have everything that you want — just not all at once.

This is where you focus on all the good things in your life and how far you’ve come. This is where you reflect on all your accomplishments and struggles you’ve overcame to be the strong warrior you are today.

This is where you own your story and who you are.

I know what it’s like to feel behind in every aspect of your life. But you’re not a late bloomer. It’s fair to say that everyone’s journey is entirely different and the biggest lesson I’m learning through mine is to love myself.

I’m learning to fall in love with my imperfections. I’m learning to be kinder to myself as I would to a friend. I’m learning to take better care of myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m learning to take more risks and make more mistakes. I’m learning to focus my time and energy on those who truly matter. I’m learning to pursue a purpose bigger than myself. I’m learning to open my heart to vulnerability. I’m learning to choose courage over comfort.

I’m learning to choose love over fear.

So the next time you sit with disappointment and wonder to yourself, “Why am I such a late bloomer?” disregard that thought.

Switch it to, “I am becoming the person I’m meant to be. I’m making progress day-by-day and becoming the best version I can be right now. And I couldn’t be anymore proud.”

Published at Thrive Global

Losing Yourself is Just an Opportunity to Reinvent Yourself

Photo by Raychan on Unsplash

Throughout various moments in your life, you’re going to experience loss and pain. Whether it’s the loss of someone in your life or your own self-identity, any type of loss is never easy to deal with. But sometimes these changes in your life are necessary and inevitable. The pain you experience is what makes you change and grow as a person. For better or for worse, that’s the choice you make.

Reflect on these moments. Then let go of the past, simply because it doesn’t belong in your future. Rather, take the lessons with you as you move on with your life. You might be starting all over again, but now you’re more self-aware and equipped to make smarter and better decisions for yourself.

I lost myself trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

I lost myself when I was younger and trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I struggled with making long-term decisions which would greatly impact my life five to 10 years down the road. The possibilities were endless, but the choices felt permanent. The stakes were high, because your twenties are known as the prime time to live it up and explore as much as you can.

Whatever decision you make, whether it’s the people you surround yourself with or the career you decide to commit to, will undoubtedly determine your future. While this is true, I learned overtime that no decision is the wrong one. You can only do the best you can with what you know and trust that it is what you want at the time. If you make a mistake and fail, that’s okay—live and learn. If you decide to change course over time, that’s okay too. You’ve changed.

I lost myself when I took a leap of faith to pursue my dreams.

When I left everything behind to start a new life overseas, it was difficult to adapt to new everyday challenges. Through it all, I built momentum, confidence, and resilience. Then I returned home and settled back into a routine lifestyle and lost myself again while experiencing an identity crisis. It was the most painful, bittersweet farewell, as I felt like I lost a huge part of myself, the best version of me.

Essentially, I had to start over and build a new identity that centered around my new life, which was entirely different to the one I had abroad. Again, I’ve grown and I’ve changed. And I can only set sights to the future and work on becoming an even better version of myself.

I lost myself when I put myself out there for the first time.

I lost myself when I landed in this new and incredibly confusing territory. I lost myself through self-doubt and overthinking, when I was unable to truly trust my own feelings. I lost myself when I lost you, because you were my closest companion for a period of time. I lost myself as I struggled with myself, hurting you in the process.

Heartbreak is the biggest teacher, teaching you things you didn’t know about yourself and what you want in a partner and a relationship. And then, I reinvented myself and put myself out there again, encountering different people and experiencing disappointment time and time again. On the bright side, I learn something new every time.

It’s when you lose a sense of self, a part of your identity, that you need to step back and check in with yourself in order to change your course of action. The greatest change you need to make is your change in mentality. In order to rebuild yourself into the person you want to become, you need to let go of what’s holding you back. And the only person holding you back is yourself.

So, let go of striving for perfection, because it doesn’t exist.

Let go of guilt, shame, and self-blame.

Let go of the emotions that cloud your judgement.

Let go of the fear that’s holding you back.

Let go of the negative self-talk and disheartening stories you tell yourself.

Let go of your own inner critic when it shows up and lies that “you’re not good enough” or “you can’t do it.”

Let go of jobs and people that aren’t a good fit. Trust your gut and don’t look back.

Let go of anything that no longer serves you or make you happy. Peace of mind is what’s important.

And then, let go of the need to control and certainty, because life has a funny way working itself out in the end, even when nothing makes sense right now.

Published at Thought Catalog

6 TED Talks That Will Inspire You to Change

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

We can all agree that long commutes to work are a pain in the ass. And one of the best ways to spend that time productively is to watch TED Talks that fuel your mind. If you dig inspiring content as much as I do— then here are five TED Talks to trigger change in your life. Changemakers, this one’s for you!

Refusing to Settle: The Quarter-Life Crisis

Adam Smiley Poswolsky

Are you stuck in a quarter-life crisis and want to find meaningful work? In this inspiring TED talk, Smiley shares the lessons he learned throughout his career journey. Despite having a high-paying, stable job that looks great on paper, he was simply…miserable. Many millennials today such as myself, can relate to Smiley on so many levels. He shared some tangible advice with us, such as “When you find believers, you find accountability” and “Don’t climb the career ladder to nowhere, build a career that matters to you.”

What I learned from 100 Days of Rejection

Jia Jiang

Jia shares the story of how he overcame the fear of rejection through a comical TED talk. He tested the ‘rejection therapy’ theory by going out and seeking rejection for 100 days straight. By the end of it, he ‘desensitized’ himself from the pain. Throughout his journey, he learned to stay engaged and deal with rejection, rather than run from it. Watch how Jia turn rejection into opportunity. He discovered many things, such as one common theme amongst successful people: “These people did not let rejection define them. They let their own reaction after rejection define themselves. They embraced rejection.”

The Power of Introverts

Susan Cain

This one is dedicated to my fellow introverts. Believe it: you too can be an outstanding leader by leveraging your introvert powers! In a culture where extroverts are celebrated, many introverts struggle internally feeling alone and underappreciated. But Susan shares with us the many talents and abilities that introverts possesses, because “When it comes to creativity and leadership, we need introverts doing what they do best.”

Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are

Amy Cuddy

In her passionate talk, Harvard psychologist and professor Amy Cuddy studies nonverbal communication and presents us with the concept of the ‘Power Pose’. The idea is that our body language affects our minds which affects our behaviours and therefore our outcomes. So stand tall, give a firm handshake, and don’t allow fear to hold you back. “Fake it till you become it.”

The Power of Believing You Can Improve

Carol Dweck

Adapting a ‘growth mindset’ does wonders and here’s how. Researcher Carol Dweck studies motivation and how people can foster success in their lives. In this Talk, she described two ways of thinking. Rather than believing that something can't happen because of your incapability, adapt the ‘Power of Yet’ mindset or simply, ‘Not yet.’ Believe that you can improve and become smarter and better with time.

Could You Change a Person’s Life in 20 Seconds?

Bobby Umar

Bobby Umar is a 5x TEDx speaker, super connector, and personal brand expert. I had the privilege of meeting him at his Discover Your Personal Brand Conference (DYPB) a few years back and was blown away by his expertise and influence. Here we have his most recent thought-provoking talk about the power of touch. Bobby presents us with the bold idea of being proactive by engaging in 20-second hugs. With many scientifically proven benefits such as increased trust, connection, joy and fulfillment—your next daily challenge is to hug others fearlessly!

What inspiring Ted Talks do you recommend?

Published at Thrive Global

11 Women Share Self-Care Tips for a Healthy Mind, Body & Soul

Photo by Autumn Goodman on Unsplash

With the start of a new year (and decade), the pressure is on as we set high goals for ourselves. I reached out to eleven girlfriends and asked them to reflect on the question, “How do you practice self-care?” 

We all struggle with self-care, and as women, we face a ton of stress from societal pressures and expectations which differ from men. And we often find ourselves restless from spending an overwhelming amount of time and energy taking care of others. That’s why I initiated this collaboration—as a gentle reminder for all of us to take better care of ourselves.

Here we share practical self-care tips and our not-so-perfect routines:

Recognize signs of burnout

“For me, self-care always starts with recognizing that I’m burnt out. As an introvert, the week can sometimes be mentally and emotionally exhausting with a lot of social interaction, so I’ll plan ahead and find a day to set aside where I can be on my own to recharge. My “me” day involves doing exercise to get some much-needed endorphins, a pampering session (getting my nails done, doing a face mask), and being productive by getting some errands done. I’ll also usually break up the day by throwing on YouTube or Netflix and doing some painting. By the end of the day, I’m usually pretty eager to get going on stuff for next week.”

—Anita Kumar, Optometrist, Toronto, ON

Write to self-reflect

“Writing in my journal is a very big part of my self-care routine. Finding time to have these moments of self-reflection helps me make sense of situations I encounter in my daily life. When I’m able to write down all my thoughts, it’s easier for me to see things more clearly and find solutions to my problems. In addition, having the freedom to express myself in writing allows me to get things off my mind in one of the ways I feel the most comfortable. I would say having this type of self-care is essential to maintaining my mental health.” 

—Karen Pun, Food Safety and Quality Assurance Specialist, Toronto, ON

Schedule in self-care activities

“I have an outline of my self-care routine and I like to switch it up to keep it interesting. I block out 3-4 days ahead of each month and make a list of activities I’m going to do; going to a dance class or trying a new recipe. The evening before my scheduled self-care day, I allocate a few hours to catch-up and make a list of outstanding family or work responsibilities that I will put to the side to clear my mind. I go to sleep early without an alarm and I make my favourite coffee first thing when I wake up. It isn’t perfect but creating and owning this entire process helps me mentally ease into the day and enjoy my self-care activities.”

—Gloria Tang, Registered Nurse, Toronto, ON

Try new things

“I practice self-care by trying new things. It could be as simple as going to a new café or restaurant with friends and ordering something I’ve never tried before. If it’s my turn to cook dinner at home, then I browse for new recipes I can make with whatever ingredients we have, like the Food Network show, ‘Chopped’. If there’s an event happening that I’m interested in, I try to attend it. Don’t be afraid to try something you’ve never tried before because you’ll never know if you like it.”

—Maica Jimenez, Office Administration, Montreal, QC

Take care of your body, mind and soul

“Self-care is a vital exercise everyone should practice as a part of your daily routine. I practice self-care by taking care of my body, mind, and soul. Body: I practice self-care with my body is by eating healthy, exercising and treating myself to foods that bring me happiness. Mind: I practice self-care with my mind by never taking things to heart and trying to stay within a happy mindset. Reminding myself that life is short and not to hold onto grudges. Soul: I practice self-care with my soul by always thinking positively and throwing good vibes into the universe by forgiving those who have wronged us.”

—Erim Faroque, Program Officer, Brampton, ON

Say no to commitments

“Sometimes self-care comes in the form of bubble baths, face masks, keeping up with my favourite fashion blogs, or reading a good book. Other times it comes in the form of saying no to commitments that will push me past my limits. And on some days, when there just doesn’t seem to be enough time for everything, I try to really enjoy things that I do regularly anyway. Whether that’s taking a shower, applying skincare, or choosing my outfit for the day, I try to be present in that moment, and be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life.”

—Zahra Razavi, Pharmacist, Waterloo, ON

Take better care of your skin

“There are many types of self-care, but one that I’ve been more diligent within the past year is taking better care of my skin. When my skin looks and feels good, I feel good. I exfoliate my skin at least once a week and use a special treatment such as wash off mask, sheet mask, sleep mask or my newest edition the LED therapy mask for a minimum of every two days.  Sure, using wash off mask, sheet mask or LED therapy mask requires a dedication of 15 minutes where some may think it’s a waste of time, but I like to see it as spending some quality ‘me’ time and to meditate. Taking care of your mind is as important as taking physical care of your body. Love yourself by taking care of both your mind and body.”

—Donna S, Accountant, Toronto, ON 

Exercise regularly

“I practice self-care everyday by trying to be more physically active. I exercise at least once a week and try to stand, walk, or take the stairs as much as possible. I also like to let my mind breathe, by entertaining myself with light, positive content (Youtube is great for that). I have a budget for self-care and use it for classes or hobbies of interest. Prayer is another important aspect of self-care, as it helps you release frustrations, reflect and focus on what matters most, as well as process life’s ups and downs. Self-care for me is also sharing with others when possible.”

—Francoise Keddy, Non-for-Profit Program Specialist, Toronto, ON

Practice gratitude

 “I practice self-care everyday from drinking a substantial amount of water to doing my skincare routine at night. There are many self-care practices, but not all of them are suitable for everyone. The following are examples of self-care practices that I do regularly. First, cuddling with my dog or being under a warm blanket allows me to calm my mind and live in the moment. Second, writing down at least 3 things that I’m grateful for that happened each day helps me practice gratitude and stay grounded. Lastly, singing along to songs that best express my current emotions helps me get in touch with my values and what matters to me most. I could go on with all the self-care practices that have a long-term effect for my mind and body, but the trick is to find something that you genuinely enjoy that fits with your lifestyle and values.”

—Mary Duarte, Library Staff, Mississauga, ON 

Manage your energy

 “Take the time to reflect on how you feel and why you feel a certain way. Be honest with yourself. As someone who constantly wants to maximize my time and accomplish as much as possible, I am sometimes guilty of taking on too much. I am learning that it is equally important to manage your energy as you do your time. Listen to your mind and body. It is okay to take things slowly. To recalibrate. Sometimes, the key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities based on what you need and how you feel.”   

- Baris L, Policy Advisor, Toronto, ON 

Practice positive self-talk  

“I practice self care by making a conscious effort to be positive when I speak about myself to others. When people ask me to reflect upon my accomplishments, I say positive things. Yes, modesty is cool but I never try to bring myself down. Same goes with my failures - I try to stay positive and encourage myself. I’m a strong believer that our minds register EVERYTHING we say. This is especially true when I talk to myself because even if no one else is around, a very important person is still listening - ME!  Eventually, positivity has become a part of my everyday speech, mannerisms, and thoughts and has led to my overall happiness. This practice of self care doesn’t just benefit me but also the people around me, because let's face it…a positive, happy person is way more fun to be around than a buzzkill.”

—Anna Koshy, Neuroscience Project Manager, Montreal, QC

I also reflected on my own question and came up with this:

Build self-awareness

“It all starts with the mind. Any time I catch myself overthinking or clouded with distorted thoughts, I do my best to reframe them into positive and actionable ones. Leaning on my support system and practicing gratitude through journaling helps me put things into perspective. Having a routine and tracking down my progress also helps me look at the bigger picture to see what works for me and what doesn’t. This allows me to create better habits and boundaries for my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I try to focus on quality sleep and regular exercise, so finding accountability partners helps me to stay on track. At the end of the day, I remind myself to take things one day at a time and to honour my growth and progress, rather than seek perfection.”

—Tina Chow, Content Creator, Toronto, ON

Published at Thrive Global

How to Choose Between a Life of Stability and Freedom

Stability versus freedom. At first, it may seem like you need to choose between the two. It’s either you choose the security of a full-time, well-paid job that will enable you to gain the experience, skills, and network to advance in your career and live a comfortable life in the long-run, or you choose the freedom and adventure to live the life of your dreams—move across the globe, meet international peers, build on your passions and create memories that last a lifetime.

The latter is the dream, which seems too good to be true. And it’s quite scary, just the thought of it.

It’s a huge risk to jump into the unknown, especially if you have something great going on in your life right now, whether it’s your career or your relationships. You’re comfortable and content to be exactly where you are. And that’s perfectly fine.

Or you feel a tugging urge for a bold life-altering change. You seek spontaneity and you’ve got a bucket list of dreams that cross your mind every single day. You’re a risk-taker and you desperately need to take action.

Any time you make a decision to leap, it’s not an easy one. Assessing all the possible scenarios and outcomes, nobody knows what will be. It’s a constant battle between the mind and the heart, the distracting noise from the external world, and the ego that makes you doubt your decisions and capabilities, feeding the fear of failure and the possibility of being wrong.

Nobody can make the decision for you but yourself.

Know that everything is temporary, that nothing lasts forever. You’re not a victim of your circumstances—you always have a choice. You’ve got options. And just because it doesn’t happen now doesn’t mean it never will.

There is never a perfect time for anything, and you will never be ready; you just have to want it bad enough.

I’d rather live a life of “oh wells” than a life of “what ifs”. I’d rather live the unconventional path of discomfort and constant change, a life of no regrets. For every experience is a lesson learned, there is always more than what meets the eye. The puzzle pieces will eventually come together for you to see the bigger picture.

How do you want to live your life?

But guess what? Stability and freedom are not mutually exclusive, as it is your perception of what both are that matters. You can have both. You can travel the world for several years and return, settle down, and have a stable career. And you can do it all over again.

Or, you can live comfortably in your home country surrounded by loved ones and still create a life of travel with multiple trips a year. You can do all of that and work on your passion projects as a side hustle. At the end of the day, it’s all about living up to your own values and chasing perspectives.

Published at Thought Catalog

Remember This When Adulting Gets Too Damn Hard

Warning: this article contains strong language which may offend some readers.

Growing up, you observed other adults around you and thought they all had their shit together. Everyone seems to have it together. But that’s far from the truth. Now that I’m an adult, I understand that nobody has their shit figured out and we’re all in this together. We’re all doing the best we can with what we know.

I’m so fucking lost.

Nobody ever told me that this whole soul-searching, career exploration, modern dating, and self-love language is so incredibly frustrating. It’s a never-ending work-in-process. Ya feel me? Tell me it’s okay to be so fucking lost. That it’s okay to have no idea what I’m doing in any aspect of my life. 

I feel kind of really shitty.

We all feel this way from time to time. Some days you’re at the top of the mountain, and other days, you feel like you hit rock bottom because everything seems to have gone wrong. Like literally, everything. But I always try to be positive and believe that everything happens for a reason. That there’s something good out of every bad thing. A blessing in disguise or a lesson that you need to learn. A pain that you had to go through in order to grow and become stronger. 

Whatever you’re going through, you’re allowed to feel shitty. You’re allowed to cry your heart out, take a longass nap, and just lie in bed all day because you’re so fucking tired. You’re allowed to shut off your phone and not respond to anyone or see anyone for a longggg time. You’re allowed to cancel plans to be in solitude. Give yourself as much time as you need. But always be gentle with yourself. And be patient while you heal from within. But after you drown yourself in sorrow, make sure you pick yourself right back up and face the goddamn world. 

I wrote this as a love letter to you (even with all the profanity). I want you to know that you’re not alone. You and I are both human and we are going to feel things, make up dumb stories in our heads, and believe them. We’re going to have negative self-talks (which we have to be aware of when it happens and STOP). We’re going to mess up from time and time again and we’re going to go through a number of crises and rebuild ourselves again and again. But, we’re also going to experience a lot of beautiful things that life has to offer. So keep being human. Keep being you. And stay strong. Let’s support one another not just through the good times, but the shitty ones too. 

Published at Thought Catalog.